The Common Ground of Validation

Writers are constantly scrambling towards the common ground of validation. For example, this weekend I’m attending a writing conference where we are getting feedback on the pitches for our novels. (obsessed with writing conferences lately, see related post here) You can picture it like a workshop for door-to-door sales, but the speech ends with a thoughtfully crafted Central Dramatic Question instead of an offer for a magazine subscription.

Pitches are a finicky and endlessly important part of novel writing. (In fact, one of the great ironies of writing is that you spend half of your time locked in a room alone, scribbling in notebooks and mumbling to imaginary people. Then, you spend the other half being as social as possible, selling yourself as a commercial brandname. But I digress.)

In this particular workshop, I’m sitting in a room with a LOT of science fiction writers. Sci-fi is a thing I have a huge amount of respect for and very little understanding of. This means I’ve been able to deconstruct the social elements of what is happening when they present their pitches in a rather detached way. I think it’s relatively rare to be able to view this situation as a third party. Here is what I have observed.

People want feedback.
AND
People want validation.

As a teacher, this is a distinction I think about a lot. There are articles on LinkedIn about the differences between them (including a great one here), but it basically comes down to this: validation is when someone tells you what you did was good. Feedback is when someone to tell you how to improve.

Here’s the most significant thing I noticed about this in the critique relationships I’m watching. These dynamics are at work in two directions. Both the critique-er and the critique-ee want to be validated.

Think about it: People LOVE when you agree with their feedback.
Because: People love when you agree with them. Period.

The most successful conversations I have been witnessing in this sci-fi/fantasy romp through alternative universes have a common ground of validation on both ends. People say things like, “That’s a great point” and “You’re right, I never thought about it that way”.

It’s applicable to any relationship. Even if you’re involved in more ‘normal’ conversations (that don’t involve elves and giant werewolves, etc) you can use the validation thing there too. It’s human nature: people like positivity.

Book picture below to celebrate!