I’ve spent a lot of time learning how not to worry. The below is what I know after a close-to-forty-year study of the subject.
As a child, I took worrying very seriously. I routinely worried about topics ranging from the death of my little finger (long story) to the probability that California would break away from the rest of the United States and float out into the ocean to sink (with my older sister aboard).
So far, California is still with us.
When we learned to write letters in school, I eschewed the offer of a traditional pen pal. Instead, I promptly reached out to President George H. W. Bush to detail a short list of my concerns. I described my worries about declining dolphin populations and the rise in New York City homelessness in the kind of spelling my mother thought was cute enough to keep on file for future reference (I talked a lot about ‘dolfins’ and ‘oshuns’ and ‘cotes for homles peeple’).
In the thirty intervening years, I’ve had a lot of time to consider the nature and benefit of my various anxieties. Here’s what I’ve noticed.
When I don’t worry
I don’t usually worry about the big decisions that effect the direction of my life. That’s because I think about those decisions very, very carefully.
For example:
1. What should I choose as a major in college? (Answer: ENVS and later, education)
2. Where should I live? (Answer: Lots of places!)
3. Should I take time off work to write a book? (Answer: Yes)
Yes, these answers are short and simple. However, I spent lots of time coming up with the reasoning behind these replies. I spent hours making lists of the pros and cons of various decisions. Eventually, I made informed choices that I felt good about. Sometimes these decisions made me a little nervous, but I would not describe the feeling as worry.
One of the answers for my ‘Where should I live?’ question
When I worry
When I worry, it’s usually because I’m thinking over a question I can’t come up with an answer for. That’s because I tend to worry about things that are out of my control. For example:
1. Will California float away and sink into ocean? (Answer: I don’t know. I hope not. See lovely photo of Point Reyes above.)
2. Is New York City sinking into a new age of homelessness and lack of resources and public services? (Answer: I don’t know. It seems that way. But government is complicated.)
3. Will my luggage with all my brand-new, expensive mountaineering gear make it to Mendoza, Argentina? (Answer: I don’t know. I hope so! Oh, have I not mentioned I’m currently stranded in a Chilean airport? Because I am.)
All these things are important (granted, some are important in a more global way than others). But all are also rather out of my control. It’s important to recognize that.
How Not to Worry
The start of a new year represents a great time to reconsider how not to worry. It’s as good for my blood pressure as anything else I would probably come up with. Here’s what I have so far:
For me, the act of worrying communicates emotion over a feeling of lost power in a situation. I can stress and grieve over that loss of power all day long. But at the end of the day there are two options:
1. Gain control over any aspects of the problem you can.
For example, I’ve grown so worried about the environment that I teach high school science. Sometimes I call my students ‘my future environmental warriors’. They think I’m kidding. When I worry about local politics I make sure I vote and talk to people about the issues.
With the luggage thing, I’ve harassed (in a friendly, smiling way) every person I’ve been able to find about where my bag might be. I’ve thought through what might happen if the luggage doesn’t arrive. I’m as prepared as I can be. Which brings me to option two:
2. Don’t think about it.
Once I’ve done everything I can to manage my control over a situation, I try to stop thinking about it. Worry, like other secondary emotions, will lurk around burning through all your cortisol and wrinkling the skin around your mouth for as long as you let it. It’s important to keep your mind on other things.
I’m off to read my book! ‘You Think It, I’ll Say It‘ by Curtis Sittenfeld. Highly recommend.
What are your New Years Resolutions?