Star Magazine is Ridiculous

I am I am a little late to this conclusion but here it is:

Star magazine is ridiculous!

The ridiculousness has gone somewhat over my head because I do not often read gossip magazines. No judgement, just not my thing. I generally actually don’t read any kind of magazines-I’m too cheap and prefer to spend my extra time and money in convenience stores and airport shops agonizing over which combination of candy will make me “least fat”. Not a lot of spare energy left for the whole “Jennifer is pregnant/not pregnant/overweight/now anorexic” cover wars.  Which Jennnifer, you ask? Not the point. (And…all of them).  

The point is, even if you read these magazines you must know–the content is a little ridiculous. The same way White Girl Rose or Pucci dresses or Fredricks of Hollywood nightwear is a little ridiculous: it’s good marketing. There is nothing wrong with being a little ridiculous.   

The problem I had flipping through an old issue of Star (though can’t be that old because Bruce is Kaitlyn and there is lots of talk about Dad Bods) was the content of the advertising. The advertising is NOT just a little bit ridiculous, the advertising is 100% off-the-ringer-batsh*t-crazy-INSANE!    Pictures below. File under #icant. Someone find me a back issue of Town and Country immediately!   

Star Magazine is Ridiculous Advertising Edition

 

Warm up photo. Mildly ridiculous:

A) Choice of slogan is bad. Obviously should be “it’s like you’re tonguing a chocolaty, peanuty, caramel iceberg”. The verb form evokes a much more powerful mental image and its not like this magazine is a damn Golden Book. Let’s get a little racy! 

B) Snickers ice cream bars do NOT need to waste money on advertising. Even someone visiting from the moon could figure out they were delicious, all by themselves. 

 

Now we are getting somewhere. Seriously? THIS is the next best thing after Mad Men?! No. 

 

3) Litter Lifter

 

Honestly? Ridiculous because this advertisement probably moves a lot of product. Something about carefully reading reviews of upcoming mediocre TV shows in summer issues of cheap gossip magazines scream ‘A little lonely and I own lots of cats’, don’t you think? 

 

4) Jitterbug

 

I’m sorry, did we step into a time machine? Are “you and your friends” all Eastern European mail order brides? WHO has a cell phone that looks like this in the year of 2015?!

 

5) Annabelle the Monkey

 

Know what? I’m actually not going to talk sh*t about Annabelle. Because I’m legitimately terrified of her. 

 

Off for a sunset sail…soaking up the last few days in Portugal.

For more thoughts on vacation magazines, click here. 

Thanks to Charisse Kenion for the banner photo!